GRE Analytical Writing / Argument

GRE Analytical Writing ANALYZE AN argument


 

GRE Argument Essay Step-by-step Guide


 

 

Practice Test One

 

ANALYZE AN argument
 


The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.

"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate theargument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 


 

Score 6 Responce

It might seem logical, at first glance, to agree with the argument in Dr. Karp’s article that children in Tertia actually are raised by their biological parents (and perhaps even, by implication, that an observation-centered approach to anthropological study is not as valid as an interview-centered one). However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that determination, we need to know more then analyze what we learn.

    The first piece of evidence that we would need in order to evaluate Dr. Karp’s claims is information about whether or not Tertia and the surrounding island group have changed significantly in the past 20 years. Dr. Field conducted his observational study 20 years ago, and it is possible that Tertia has changed significantly since then. For example, if we had evidence that in teh intervening years Westerners had settled on the island and they introduced a more typical Western-style family structure, it would certainly weaken Dr. Karp’s argument. In that case, the original study could have been accurate, and Dr. Karp’s study could be correct, as well, though his conclusion that Dr.Field’s method is ineffective would be seriously weakened.

    Another piece of evidence that might help us evaluate this claim involves the exact locations where Dr. Karp’s interviews took place. According to this article, Dr. Karp and his graduate students conducted interviews of “children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia.” If we were to learn that they never interviewed a single Tertian child, it would significantly weaken the conclusion. It could turn out to be the case, for example, that children on Tertia are raised communally, whereas children on other islands nearby are raised by their biological parents.

    In order to fully evaluate this article, we would also need to learn more about the interview questions that Dr. Karp’s team used. What exactly did they ask? We don’t know, nor do we know what the children’s responses actually were. What did they say about their biological parents? The mere fact that they speak more frequently about their biological parents than they do about other adults does not meant hat they are raised by their biological parents. It would significantly undermine Dr. Karp’s argument if it turned out that the children said things like how much they missed their parents or how their parents had left them in a communal environment. Without knowing WHAT the children said, it is hard to accept Dr. Karp’s conclusion.

    It is slightly more difficult to discuss the evidence we might need in order to evaluate the more interesting claims in Dr. Karp’s article, namely his extension of the results of his study to a conclusion that interview-centered methods are inherently more valid than observational-centered approaches. In order to fully evaluate this claim, in fact, we would need to look at many more examples of interview-based and observation-based anthropological studies and we would also need to look into different study designs. Perhaps Dr. Field did not conduct an effective observational study, but other observational approaches could be effective. In order to make such grandiose claims, Dr. Karp really needs a lot of additional evidence (ideally a meta-analysis of hundreds of anthropological studies).

    Clearly, then, we need to have additional evidence in order to get a more complete understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of Dr. Karp’s article. We need to know about Tertia and the surrounding islands, whether or not they have changed over the past 20 years. We also need to know about study design (Dr. Karp’s and Dr. Field’s).And we really need a lot more information if we want to extend the results of a study about one island culture to all anthropological fieldwork

 

Reader Commentary

This outstanding response clearly addresses the specific task directions and presents a cogent, insightful analysis by specifically detailing the impact that different pieces of evidence would have on the argument. The introductory paragraph sets up the organization of the response, and each body paragraph provides the sort of compelling development typical in responses that receive a score of 6. For example, after the writer discusses possible evidence that Tertian child-rearing practices have changed over the past 20 years, he or she clearly explains the impact information about those changes might have on the argument, saying, “In that case, the original study could have been accurate, and Dr. Karp’s study could be correct, as well, though his conclusion that Dr.Field’s method is ineffective would be seriously weakened.” Not only is this argument compelling, but it also demonstrates sophisticated syntax and facility with language.There is more insightful development in the fifth paragraph, in which the writer examines Dr. Karp’s claims about interview-based studies. Although there are a few typos and minor errors here, nothing in the response distracts from the overall fluency of the writing. Sentences like this one demonstrate the fluent and precise diction and varied syntax that are evident throughout the response: “It could turn out to be the case, for example, that children on Tertia are raised communally, whereas children on other islands nearby are raised by their biological parents.” Because of its compelling and insightful development and fluent and precise language, this response fits all of the bullet points for a 6.


Score 5 Responce

There seems to be an abundance of evidence that, if we were to examine it closely, might make us reconsider Dr. Karp’s argument here. If we look first at the evidence that might weaken this argument, we can see a lot of the problems with Dr. Karp’s article. It would certainly weaken the argument if we were to discover that Dr. Karp and his students did not actually conduct any of their interviews on the island of Tertia itself. Looking closely at the article, we see that Dr. Karp claims the interviews were conducted with children from the island group that includes Tertia. There is no evidence that they interviewed Tertian children. It would definitely weaken the argument if we were to learn that they interviewed children only on islands close to Tertia. Those islands may or may not have similar child-rearing traditions, and geographic proximity does not guarantee societal similarity.

    Another piece of evidence that would weaken the argument could come from transcripts of the interviews themselves. Dr. Karp’s article makes the claim that the children “spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults,” but he gives no indication of what exactly they say about their biological parents. After all, the children may be talking about how they never see their parents.

    One more important piece of evidence that might undermine the argument Dr. Karpis making in this article. He admits that twenty years have passed since Dr. Field’s study was conducted, but he does not provide evidence that proves child-rearing techniques have not changed significantly in that time. Any number of factors could have led to a significant shift in how children are raised. Influences from other cultures, significant catastrophic events, or a change in government structures could have led to a change in family dynamics. Any evidence of such changes would clearly undermine Dr. Karp’s argument.

    If we went looking for evidence that could strengthen the argument, we might also find something interesting. Obviously, some of the evidence above might strengthen the argument if they were NOT as discussed above (e.g., if there were evidence that theTertian islands have NOT changed since Dr. Field’s study or if there were transcripts that showed the children spoke about how much they loved living with their biological parents). However, if we discovered that there are numerous interview-based studies that confirm Dr. Karp’s findings, it would go a long way toward bolstering his claim about Tertian child-rearing AND his claim about interview-centered studies being more effective. Another piece of evidence that would strengthen Dr. Karp’s argument is undermining Dr. Field’s original study. Maybe Dr. Field was sloppy, for example.

    Dr. Karp’s article, then, ends up looking like something of an empty shell. Depending on the evidence we find to fill it out, we may discover that it is quite convincing, or we could determine that he is full of hot air.

 

Reader Commentary

This strong response presents a generally thoughtful and well-developed analysis of the argument, and it follows the specific task directions quite clearly. This writer approaches the task by first discussing the evidence that might weaken Dr. Karp’s argument and then, in somewhat less depth, considering the evidence that could strengthen it. In both cases the writer analyzes the ways in which the evidence would bear on the argument. For example, the writer notes, “Influences from other cultures, significant catastrophic events, or a change in government structures could have led to a change in family dynamics. Any evidence of such changes would clearly undermine Dr. Karp’s argument.” Although the development presented here is strong, the response does not present the compelling development required for a 6. For instance, in the first para-graph there is some repetition, and in the third paragraph the reader must fill in the implications of potential “changes” in Tertia, which are not fully fleshed out. How could a catastrophic event or a change in governmental structure have led to changes in child-rearing traditions? The development, then, is strong but not outstanding. Also, the response demonstrates some facility with language, though it does not convey meaning skilfully enough to merit a score of 6. In general, the response demonstrates strong writing skills, in spite of some minor errors like the sentence fragment that begins paragraph three. Sentences like this one demonstrate the quality of the writing seen throughout the response: “Those islands may or may not have similar child-rearing traditions, and geographic proximity does not guarantee societal similarity.” In terms of writing skill and analysis, then, this response earns a score of 5.


Score 4 Responce

Dr. Karp’s arguments that his research proves that obervation-centered research is invalid and that his interview-centered method “will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures” need more support. While the findings from Dr. Karp’s interviews do challenge Dr. Field’s results, one then cannot make the assumption that Dr. Field’s research is invalid. This essay will attempt to explain three ways in which Dr. Karp can strengthen his argument.

    First, Dr. Karp should provide more information about the content of the interviews.Misinterpretation from observation can be as likely as misinterpretation in interivews. It is possible that while children may spend more time talking about their own biological parents, other people from the village are still assisting in most of the rearing of the child. Perhaps asking the children how much time they spend with their parents, who disciplines them, and other specific questions about rearing would provide a more complete answer about who exactly is raising the children.

    Second, Dr. Karp could provide some information about societal changes in the past twenty years. If there have been significant changes on the island of Tertia, it is possible that both anthropologists are correct. Twenty years ago, the entire village raised children, and now, biological parents raise their own children. Recents events could explain the change - such as introduction of Western mass media or changes in government (monarchy to democracy). Perhaps even interviewing adults to get abetter understanding on child rearing. Not to mention, interpretting information from children and using that information to generalize about an entire island is not the most effective means.

    Thirdly, Dr. Karp needs more proof that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures in invalid. A potential mistake in one article can hardly invalidate an entire method of research. Other anthropologists who employ the interview-centered method need to dispute the work of anthropoligsts who use the observation-centered approach. Only when a significant amount of research can be disproved can an entire method of research be invalidated.

    To conclude, Dr. Karp needs to do more research and provide more evidence before his large claims can be fully supported. In fact, it will take more than Dr. Karpalone to prove observation-centered method of research is invalid and further, that theinterview-centered method is better. In terms of his own research, Dr. Karp needs to conduct more interviews on the Tertia islands and scientifically prove Dr. Field’s research wrong.  

 

Reader Commentary

This adequate response manages to identify some important features of the argument, presenting a competent examination and generally following the task directions. The response does not merit a score of 5 or 6, however, because it does not present compelling or insightful development. The response identifies basic points about the content of the interviews, possible changes in Tertia, and observation-centered studies, but these points are developed only adequately. Development in paragraph four (“Thirdly . . . ”) is generic and thin, and the final paragraph just recapitulates the assertions made earlier. The response does follow the specific task instructions, but it does not develop its discussion of specific evidence fully. For example, there is a claim that“specific questions about rearing would provide a more complete answer about who exactly is raising the children,” but the response does not explain what sorts of questions would give which answers or how those answers would strengthen or weaken the argument. Also, language control in this response is merely adequate, not strong. There are some typos and other errors (e.g., a sentence fragment in paragraph 3: “Perhaps even interviewing adults to get a better understanding on child rearing”), but the response generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English, and main points are made with reasonable clarity. Because of its adequate control of language and competent analysis, this response earns a score of 4.


Score 3 Responce

It will be very inappropriate to condemn Dr. Field’s observations and findings. A critical look and analyses of the argument shows that details of Dr. Field’s work was not given out. In fact, it is sad on the side of the writer to think that Dr.Fields work is invalid.

    First, the fact that the children of Tertia spend much time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village can be interpreted in a different way. The writer did not give any clue on what exactly the children were saying about their biological parents. It could be that they were talking about their parents irresponsibility of rearing them by themselves than leaving them in the hands of the whole community to bring them up. In fact, the argument could have been strengthened if the writer gave what exactly the children were talking about.

    On the other hand, the writer failed on his or her part as a researcher to look at the time frame from the time Dr. Field did his analyses to the the time writer also conducted His or Her research. This would have given him the insight as what new developments has taken place within the twenty years gap that Dr. Field did His analyses. The writer’s argument would have given a lot of meaning if the writer had research into the cultural developments that has taken place since the time Dr. fields last visited and did completed His work at Tertia.

    Also, as a reader, the tone this writing is not very convincing. It almost seems like Dr. Karp is making Dr. Fields look bad, instead of supporting his own research with information. He really only says one sentence about his own research, the rest of it is about how Fields work is not as good and saying things about Fields work. He needs to have more details about his own work to really sell the reader on it. He needs to write more about what the interview-centered method is, since he does not even say what it is. This will be more convincing if it is less of an attack on Dr. Field and more about the researches.

    On the whole the writer’s work is incomplete and His or Her criticisms are unfounded. The writer needs to change the qualitative way of His or Her research into amore quatitative approach. If done in this way the impact of His or Her findings will be very strong and convincing.

 

Reader Commentary

Although this response analyzes some important features of the argument, it is limited in development and often lacks acceptable clarity in expressing its ideas. In particular, this response contains occasional major errors and frequent minor errors that can interfere with meaning. Misused words, subject/verb agreement problems, and other lapses occur throughout the response. In addition to the problems with language control, the response demonstrates limited relevant development. It is true that the response makes an attempt to follow the specific task instructions, identifying the fact that the argument might be strengthened by evidence that the children were talking in a positive manner about their parents. However, the response does not explain exactly how this evidence would strengthen the argument. Similarly, there is discussion of the elapsed time between the two studies, but the response does not clarify how information about the “cultural developments” over the past 20 years would strengthen the argument Dr. Karp is making. Additionally, some of the points the response is making are not actually relevant to an analysis of the logic of the argument. The discussion ofDr. Karp’s tone in the fourth paragraph, for example, is a rhetorical critique, not a logical one. There is an attempt to talk about evidence (“He needs to have more details . . . ”), but the focus in this paragraph is on “selling” the reader, not creating a per-suasive argument. Because of its limited development and language control, this response earns a score of 3.


Score 2 Responce

The argument is on the article written by Dr. Karp , an anthropologist and his study and the new plan to study the same in the tertia region. Dr.Karp has written an article on Children in Tertia and about the culture.

    The arguement is that they have not mention the type of intreview and the type of questions of the interviwes. They haven’t indicate the education level in the children and the background of the children. What are all the things the team is going to observe and study on the child rearing tradition is not clearly mention.

    The team is going to study and correlate the tradition with the other island culture but there is a possibility of different environment of other island or differnt biological parents. The resource availability on one island is different than the other is also apossibility . In that situation it is not possible to correlate the culture between to iceland.

    There is a possibility , Dr. Field’s interview time , lacking of infrastructure in the tartia. There was no developement of schools and other refreshment activity or the parents may not spent enough time with the children due to various reasons and that effect to the children , so they might have spend more time talking about their biological parent.

    To support the argument more information about the nature, cultural background and also the type of infrastructure presence in the area is require, the kind of study carring out in the study area is require. Which would help to give more support the argument.

 

Reader Commentary

This response demonstrates serious weaknesses in analytical writing. There seem to be some attempts at logical analysis, though none that specifically and clearly examine the evidence that might weaken or strengthen the argument. Additionally, there is little or no relevant or reasonable support for the writer’s points. In large part, the lack of logical development seems to be due to the serious and frequent problems with language control seen throughout the response. There are basic errors in just about every sentence of the response, and these errors frequently interfere with meaning. This sentence exemplifies the problems seen throughout the response: “There was no developement of schools and other refreshment activity or the parents may not spent enough time with the children due to various reasons and that effect to the children , so they might have spend more time talking about their biological parent.” The writer is attempting to discuss some points that are relevant to an analysis of this argument, but meaning is obscured by all of the errors present. However, some meaning can be discerned, and these errors are not severe enough to drop the score to a 1.


Score 1 Responce

Twenty years ago Dr field an anthropologist found result after reserch that in small village of tertia children reared by entire village but according to dr karp he talked most of the children that they talk about there boilogical parents. so it conclude that the reserch of dr field is unvalid now and what type of methods dr field used may be not cover all aspects of there culture and also other cultures of other islands. reared the children by entire village is not logical but in some cultures there are some surprizing customs . so may be dr field did not anlysed the culture of that island on various parameters , which we are using now a days. intrveiw with children and observing their behaviour is important because some time the person talk one thing and behave indifferent way look like either he not telling correct or he is showing his altitude in misguiding way. i think the behaviour of the children shows proper report of reserch and you can observe their altitude to the other adult peoples of the village and to their own biological parents.The expert reserch scholer can easily feel their emotions and behavour during some time stay with their culture. dr field maybe more research time, maybe, for longer.

 

Reader Commentary

This fundamentally deficient response mainly consists of a summary of the prompt, and although there is some evidence of understanding, the response provides little evidence of the ability to develop and organize an analysis of the argument. Also, severe problems in language persistently interfere with meaning. In fact, the material that does not come directly from the prompt is more or less incomprehensible.


 

Practice Test two

 

ANALYZE AN argument


The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of video rental stores.

“In order to reverse the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore’s ten video rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. Therefore, in order to increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices, we recommend implementing similar changes in our other nine Movies Galore stores.”

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be addressed in order to decide whether implementing the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result and explain how the answers to those questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

 


Score 6 Responce

One question which needs to be addressed before implementing the recommendation is whether there are not other ways to improve profits besides cutting operating expenses. Without proof, the author decides, first, that there are only two viable options for increasing the profits of Movies Galore: raising rental prices, and cutting costs. He rules out the first course, and hence claims the second option must be chosen. But it seems there may be alternative methods of increasing profits, such as initiating advertising campaigns or closing unprofitable Movies Galore locations.

Even if it is granted that there are only two options for increasing profitability — cutting costs, and raising rental prices — one might wonder why raising rental prices
is so unthinkable. The author implies that because Movies Galore is famous for special bargains, raising the rental prices would eliminate this competitive advantage and decrease profitability. However, in making this conclusion, he makes several assumptions without considering questions that need to be addressed. First, he assumes that there is no room to raise current prices and yet maintain lower prices than competitors. One would need to ask if prices could be increased slightly, while keeping them cheap. Even if there is no room for such a strategy, the author assumes that Movies Galore’s reputation for bargain pricing would evaporate if they increased their prices slightly. Perhaps such a reputation would be widespread enough to persist despite a slight increase in prices. And thirdly, even if the reputation for bargains would be eliminated by an increase in prices, the author assumes that Movies Galore cannot

change course and be successful in some other way. Perhaps it could instead become known as the store with the friendliest employees. Perhaps it already is, and the author is wrong to believe that a causal relationship between bargain prices and success exists, when the real cause of Movies Galore’s good reputation is entirely independent of its prices. The author needs to answer these questions to convince us that profits are caused by bargains, and not by the other factors that may be involved.

Another question that needs to be raised is whether or not the downtown Marston store is truly analogous to the other nine Movies Galore stores. The author seems to assume that because the cost-cutting measures worked at the Marston location, it will work at the others, but this is far from clear. Perhaps the patrons of the other Movies Galore locations would resent such changes in the hours and stock of their local stores.

Perhaps the most important question that needs to be asked is whether the Marston location’s changes truly increased profitability. The author writes that the Marston store decreased operating expenses by closing earlier and cutting its stock, but he makes no mention of increased profitability. It is quite possible that the Marston location’s profits decreased as a result of their cost cutting, and this is a question that needs to be addressed. The author then jumps to the conclusion that taking similar measures would increase profitability at other locations, though such a connection has not even been established at the Marston store.

Even if the cost-cutting measures increased profitability at the Marston store last month (and a causal relationship, though presumably assumed, is still far from evident), there is no guarantee that such measures would continue to increase profitability over time. One would need to ask: Why not observe how the Marston location’s action affect profitability over several months, before implementing such sweeping changes at every store? A single month is a very short time span, and the habits of customers may change slowly. As word gets around that the Marston store has cut their hours and their selection, they may in fact jeopardize their reputation for offering “great movies at low prices.” After all, the name of the franchise is Movies Galore, and by drastically reducing the available selection, they may alienate their customer base. If, as mentioned above, Movies Galore is famous for more than its great bargains—if customers prefer Movies Galore because of its selections, as well— then such a move may drastically reduce profits over time. It seems extremely rash to implement such a new and relatively untried strategy at every Movies Galore location, before the effects can be fully observed and interpreted.
 

Reader Commentary

This outstanding response clearly addresses the specific task directions and presents a cogent, insightful analysis by discussing specific questions that need to be addressed in order to analyze the argument presented. It is worth noting that although the direc- tions ask for questions, it is not necessary that these be phrased in question form. The response articulately discusses the information needed to evaluate whether the recom- mendation is likely to have the predicted result and demonstrates how this information would help to evaluate the recommendation. There are many examples of ways in which the writer addresses questions without putting them in question form (e.g., “he assumes that there is no room to raise current prices and yet maintain lower prices than competitors. One would need to ask...” or “it seems there may be alternative methods of increasing profits”). Throughout this response, the writer provides the cogent development typical of a 6 response. For example, the discussion of Movies Galore’s reputation gets at a number of flaws in the argument’s reasoning, making nuanced points (e.g., “Perhaps it could instead become known as the store with the friendliest employees. Perhaps it already is...”) that create a compelling case for the writer’s objections. Transitions are natural, and the paragraphs build on one another, succinctly and completely developing the writer’s points. Because of its compelling and insightful development and fluent and precise language, this response fits all of the bul- let points for a score of 6.


Score 5 Responce

Management’s prediction that declining profits could be reversed by reducing operating hours and reducing stock seems to be rash since there is little evidence that proper research has been conducted. It may be true that profits could be restored by cutting operating costs, but management needs to ask whether making these changes would have a negative impact on its best sources of revenue.

The management states that the downtown Marston store “significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00pm rather than 9:00pm.” It is reasonable to think that closing at 6:00pm rather than 9:00pm would decrease operating expenses, but the business is concerned with renting movies and these may be the busiest and most profitable hours of operation. Could it be that most people renting movies have normal working hours and have leisure time at night and to fill that time they turn to renting movies? If management researches its daily rental history, it may discover that its peak rental hours are between 6:00pm and 9:00pm. If this is the case, the store could lose significant income or even go out of business altogether. If management wants to reverse a decline in profits by cutting hours of operation and thereby reducing expenses, it would be adventageous to determine through research which block of time during the day is the least profitable and then cut those hours of operation. For instance, if it is found that profits are lowest during the morning hours or around noon, it would be better to close the store during those hours rather than during the hours that bring in the greatest profits.

The management then states that operating expenses will also be cut “by eliminating all movies released ore than five years ago.” Again, more research is needed in order to determine if this would indeed help reverse the decline in profits that Movies Galore is experiencing. Is it possible that the success of a movie rental business is based on its ability to provide customers with a wide array of movie selections, both new and old? It could be dangerous for this business to eliminate its stock of older movies without first determining the percentages of income that come from each product. Management should research its history of movie rentals in order to determine if a significant percentage of its profits come from the rental of older movies. Even if little profit does come from older movies, it may still be unwise to eliminate the stock of older movies. If Movies Galore maintains a variety of movies,
a person searching for a current movie may decide to rent an older movie as well. This may be especially relevent in the case of a new movie that is a sequal to an older movie or part of a trilogy. Reducing movie variety may also damage the reputation of the stores. The management states that Movie Galore already has a “reputation for offering great movies.” If movie variety is suddenly reduced, the stores may gain a negative reputation.

Overall, the management makes a prediction that is untrustworthy and potentially damaging. More research should be conducted to see if indeed such changes to cut operation costs will be effective, and if not, what should be done instead. If the proper investigation is implemented by the management, Movies Galore stores may reverse the recent decline of profits.

 

Reader Commentary

This strong response presents a generally thoughtful and well-developed analysis of the argument, and it follows the specific task directions clearly. The response approaches the task by asking questions that seek to understand whether the management of Movies Galore truly understands where its greatest profits are generated. It first ques- tions whether closing the stores between 6:00 and 9:00 pm would be optimal since that is when people with “normal working hours” might have the leisure to rent movies, and, then, it questions whether eliminating movies released more than five years ago would be prudent since it is possible that profits rely on carrying “a wide array of movie selections, both new and old.” In both cases, the writer indicates the specific kinds of information that management would need to gather (e.g., “If management researches its daily rental history, it may discover that its peak rental hours are between 6:00pm and 9:00pm”) in order to determine whether its prediction is valid. Likewise, in both cases, the writer also analyzes the ways that this specific information would impact the predicted result (e.g., “If this is the case, the store could lose signifi- cant income or even go out of business altogether”). In general, then, development of the points the writer makes is thorough, but it is not as compelling as that required for a 6. Also, the response, on the whole, demonstrates facility with written English; how- ever, it lacks the fluency necessary to merit a score of 6. In general, writing skills, in spite of a few spelling errors and some repetitious sentence structuring (several sen- tences in both the second and third paragraphs depend upon an “if...then” construc- tion) are strong, as evidenced by the following characteristic sentence: “It is reasonable to think that closing at 6:00pm rather than 9:00pm would decrease operating expenses, but the business is concerned with renting movies and these may be the busiest and most profitable hours of operation.” In terms of writing skill and analysis, then, this response earns a score of 5.



Score 4 Responce

The owner of Movies Galore is proposing a reduction in operating expenses in all of its chain stores. This reduction would consist of closing the stores 3 hours early and reducing its stock to include movies released only within the last 5 years. To determine if this proposition would be effective in increasing profits across the chain, several pieces of additional information would be needed.

First, it is necessary to ask if the Marston store is similar to the other Movies Galore stores. If this is not the case, the proposition might have quite the opposite of the intended effect. The performance of the other stores would be a critical piece to this proposition since what works for one store, may not work for another.

Second, what effect did the reduction in operating expenses had on store profits
in Marston? Because the declines in profit are termed to be “recent” and that the reduction of operating expenses happened within the last month, this is unclear. It is possible that only a brief period of low profits, consistent with variablity in the market, spurred the reduction and this actually caused a greater decrease in profits. It is also possible that no improvements have been seen in profits since the reduction, rendering it ineffective. Data regarding profits from several months before and several months after the reduction in operating expenses would be necessary to determine if this reduction was at all helpful.

Finally, to what degree did each of the two changes made, closing early and getting rid of older movies, affect profits? To determine if such a change would be helpful, it is important to understand how each variable contributed to the end result, assuming that it was effective. Perhaps closing early resulted in such a decline in the operating costs as employees did not have to be paid, that the reduction in their stock was unnecessary. It could be the the stock reduction actually decreased profits but this was masked by the increased profits caused by closing early. A more in depth analysis of the variables involved is necessary.

To accept such an extreme change in the practices of these stores, the preceeding recommendations should be followed. Specifically, the necessity of the reduction in other stores shoudl be determined, data regarding the effectiveness of the reduction in operating expenses in the Marston store should be analyzed, and an analysis of the components of this reduction should be completed.

Reader Commentary

This adequate response presents a competent examination of the argument and con- veys meaning with acceptable clarity. In accordance with the task directions, the response raises appropriate questions that could help to evaluate the recommendation and its predicted result. Unlike the thoughtful development of a 5-level response, how- ever, this response develops its ideas (i.e., answers to the questions it raises) unevenly, sometimes underdeveloping key claims. For example, the relatively brief second para- graph supports the assertion that the downtown Marston store may not be comparable to the chain’s other stores, but it does so with minimal reasoning. Other body para- graphs more satisfactorily develop questions about the timing of the recommendation and the profits that have actually been generated, while the conclusion merely recapit- ulates the assertions made earlier. A basic organizational structure, aided by the use of simple transitions between paragraphs and sufficient sentence variety within para- graphs, are other qualities of this response that underscore its adequacy. The language control is also adequate, demonstrating control, but not facility, with the conventions of standard written English. There are some minor grammatical errors and typos (e.g., there is a tense error in paragraph 3: “what effect did the reduction in operating expenses had on store profits in Marston?”; there is also vague diction in the same paragraph: “Because the declines in profit are termed to be ‘recent’ and that the reduc- tion of operating expenses happened within the last month, this is unclear”), but the response manages to convey ideas with acceptable clarity overall. Because of its ade- quate analytical development and language control, this response earns a score of 4.



Score 3 Responce

It is imperative that “Movies Galore” must find a way to reduce operating expenses without jepardizing its popularity with the customer. The option of reducing operating hours and reducing its stock of avalible movies is a good start, however these two ideas need some revising in order for them to be successful in turning the company’s profits around.

The reduction of hours needs to be reversed. Instead of closing earlier they should open later. People go to the video store to rent movies more frequently in the evening hours than in the morning. In the morning is when most customers return movies. The adjustment in hours can be structured so that the store opens later in the morning, and costomers can simply return the movies in a drop box, allowing the store to remain open later in the evening for people who want to rent movies.

Reducing the stock by “eliminating all movies released more than five years ago” is a good way to reduce costs, but again it may hurt buisness. Unlike food moves don’t go bad after a certain amount of time. In some cases it is quite the opposite, they become classics. It would be bad business to assume that people will not want to rent movies over five years old, and “Movies Galore” might actually lose customers if they do so. Instead of eliminating an entire group of movies of a certain age, spread the reduction of stock throughout the entire store, making it a more subtle reduction to the consumer, but an effective cost-saver to the store.

The basic ideas of cutting stock and reducing operating hours do indicate saving money, however only if it is done correctly with both the business and the consumer in mind. It is obvious that “Movies Galore” has the consumer in mind because of its refusal to jeopardize their reputation “for offering great movies at a low price.” So they need to consider exactly how their proposals are going to impact the consumer and whether or not they will actually lose business by putting these policies in place.

If teh management at “Movies Galore” uses good business sense then there is no reason that their declining profits cannot be turned around, with little to no affect on the consumer.

Reader Commentary

While this response conveys ideas with acceptable clarity, despite an occasional error, it earns a score in the lower half because it mainly discusses tangential matters. The introductory paragraph, for example, suggests that instead of presenting an examina- tion of the prompt’s logic, the response will offer business advice to turn “the com- pany’s profits around.” And that is what paragraphs 2 and 4 do: they avoid relevant analysis and instead engage in analyzing tangential matters and generally agreeing with the prompt. Paragraph 2, for example, implicitly agrees with the reduction in hours but suggests that a better business tactic would be to switch the early closing for a later closing and later opening. Paragraph 4 agrees with the overall recommendation and concludes that Movies Galore is generally going in the right business direction. What relevant analysis is present occurs in paragraph 3, which questions the wisdom of reducing the stock of older movies since this might hurt rather than help profitabil- ity. So, although the response exhibits competent control of the conventions of stan- dard written English, it does not manage to exhibit adequate development of relevant analysis. The fact that its relevant analysis is greatly outweighed by tangential material and business advice indicates that the response is limited in addressing the specific task directions. Thus, it merits a score of 3.



Score 2 Responce

In order to reverse the decrease or decline in the profits it is very necessary to take some steps which are benefical to both the customer and the seller. Thus to increase the profits, offering movies at low prices can be one of the ways. This will not only increase the purchasing ability of the customers but also bring about an increase in the sales and the profits made by the company. Raising the rental prices of the videos would not be a better option because this will not lead to an increase in the profits made by the company. If the customers will get videos in lower price in comparsion to the rent, they will prefer to purchase more videos then taking them on the rent.

The increase in the profits can also be brought about by giving various exciting offers at different occassions, for example- buy three and get one free video at the time of Christmas , New Year etc can attract more and more customers towards the stores and also bring about an increase in the profits earned by the stores.

Increase in the video sales can also be brought about by offering several discount schemes when the hit and great movies are being released.Thus, in order to increase the profits without jeopardizing the reputation of the stores , it is recommended to implement the similar changes as mentioned above in all the other nine Movies Galore stores.


Reader Commentary

This response clearly fits the second bulleted description of a 2 in the scoring guide. It does not follow the directions of the assigned task. Instead of discussing questions that need to be addressed in order to determine if the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result, the writer merely posits potential strategies to increase profits. The response also develops ideas poorly and contains serious errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics, such as in this sentence: “If the customers will get videos in lower price in comparsion to the rent, they will prefer to purchase more videos then taking them on the rent.” However, it is the response’s overall disregard of the specific task directions that earns it a score of 2.



Score 1 Responce

Yes reducing the price of the movies would attract more coustmers.No one will be ready to purchase a movie for a high price rather than that they could see the movie in a theater.Watching a movie in the theater would be lesser than renting the movie.

It is stated that making special bargains and increasing the rental prices will not result in yeilding any profits.

They had to shut down their store at 6:00pm instead of 9:00pm
 

Reader Commentary

This response is fundamentally deficient. Although the response arguably offers some evidence that the writer understands the basic subject matter, it provides little evidence of understanding the argument made in the prompt. The “Yes” that begins the first sen- tence makes it seem as if the writer is responding to a claim made in the prompt, but the fact that the remainder of the sentence makes a claim that never appears in the prompt (i.e., “reducing the price of the movies would attract more coustmers”) sug- gests, at best, a very limited understanding of the argument. Although the brief open- ing paragraph is somewhat relevant to the argument’s assertion that “raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits,” it is not sufficient to demonstrate either that the writer understands the argument or that the writer is able to develop an organ- ized response. The second paragraph consists almost entirely of verbatim or poorly paraphrased material from the prompt and, as such, provides no additional evidence either that the writer understands the argument or that the writer has the ability to develop an organized response. Thus, despite its relatively clear use of language, this response demonstrates fundamental deficiencies in analytical writing that warrant a score of 1.